O.V's to the sky

When I first heard the news I had no reaction, no emotion. I didn't know how numb I actually was. When I worked at Frescos I had a summertime fling with a woman a few years my senior. It was fun, we both knew what we were doing. Nobody hurt, just drink, sniff, drink, sniff, drink sniff. It wasn't always like that..let's be honest, it was. I was down on my luck at that time, recently single, working shitty hours for shitty wage. Being in a constant downward spiral in life is a hard thing to recover from, imagine throwing a fellow nosediver into the equation (no pun intended). What you get is two lonely people on a fuckin' warpath, two people deadset on pushing the human body to it's limit..and keep on pushing. The memories of the two of us having beach fires and dancing to terrible cover bands will always outshine the dark void we liked in each other. 

The day of her wake was dream like. Picked up Jabari, who worked at Frescos, and hit the LC. Ten bucks got us a few pabst, then we hit the highway. I brought us to a place I call "C-spot", a conservation area overlooking Lake Ontario, in NOTL. We rolled a cannon of a doob and cracked our hipster ale then silence overcame us. Jabari referenced a solid story that got us talking about the good times. After many salutes to the sky and much reminiscing it was time to go to the legion and say our goodbyes,
The Niagara-on-the-Lake Legion was roaring with friends and family. Many happy and familar faces, people remembering the good times. Sam Quinn lost her cousin, we knew each other from work and Sir Winston. It was hard to be sympathetic to someone who was soo distraught, the heartless, numbness was in full effect. Made a stupid, poorly placed joke and laughed in awkwardness. Photos projected on dull white screens, people with children, smokers cough. The place was a mix between a cocktail party and a Mexican stand-off, impossible to tell when and who would break next. O.V's were had all around in honor. Jabari noticed the guest book slash farewell slash last words book, it was one of the most intimidating objects I've ever met. Had to let a few people skip ahead of me before writing something. Now the reality had set in, Jackie is dead. She's gone, to a better place most people would like to believe. I scrawled out "It's shitty you had to leave soo soon, I'll always cheers my O.V to the sky to you in honor." Jackie was a party in a five-foot nothing package, I found it a fitting way to honor her, obviously Old Vianna was her choice of drink.The emotions actually kicked in, grabbed Jabari and headed towards my car, out of there before breaking down in a sobbing mess. Holy shit the kid has emotions.
 It took me weeks to finish this, every time this post passed my eyes something was revised. Nothing was ever finished or started, very defeating. Knowing that when I hit publish I will have officially accepted that the reality is she's gone.

May you rest in peace JAX.


Thank you drugs, and thank you moneen for aiding me in laying this to rest. 

Brief Flickers

I'm sitting back behind the house with Abby, lit cigarette in hand, my mind an absolute blank. A brief green flicker sparks our attention then our eyes scan the darkened yard for a glimpse of the firefly. I'm taken back to a time, down on the twelve-mile creek, surrounded by brief flickers. I was on a long hike with an old friend. He went by tuna but the years changed him, the name didn't fit half as well as it used to. We were looking to rip-off some plants hidden in the woods but our attempts where in vain, nothing to be found except  a couple of tick bites. I can safely say we were lost, reminiscing about sexual conquests from our high school days and waking in circles. Same tree. Same rock. Same bush. Same lies. Tuna was always a liar, through and through. I knew most of his "guy talk" was bullshit but I let him continue on like I was oblivious to it all. We came to a fork in the path. Both sides freshly painted black by the setting sun. We flipped a coin and went with heads, the left path. Within seconds we were engulfed by darkness, the conversation had dwindled, the only sound to be heard was the slurping of 40oz's. I felt bugs crawling all over me. did I? My brain was drifting into dark territory. Nature felt that and like a light-switch the fireflies lit up the path and the entire field we were approaching. The constant flicker of our light source turned the long grass into waves of light. I've never been soo moved by anything in nature like that before, it was a real trip, very humbling, a great memory. I'm glad, sitting here with Abby, I could be taken back to that moment on my timeline. So I finish my cigarette and smile.